Making sense of your child’s world

My son made me proud this weekend during a soccer match. On the same weekend, I was disappointed in what he did. Then I was disappointed in myself.

Stay with me as I explain

In the three games he played, he scored 15 goals. That in itself is impressive for a ten year old, no matter the level, but that was not what I was proud of. Stay with me for a bit.

Later, on this same weekend, I read something my son wrote. His teacher asked his class to create 3 sentences using the word “Abhor”. Now, you can imagine my disappointment at the 3 sentences he formed. They had to do with “Hard work”, “Reading” and “Vegetables”. Vegetables I can understand. Are you still with me?

Suffice it to say, my wife and I gave my son a talking to. We spouted the virtues of hard work and reading. I tried not to comment on the vegetables part. The kid had a point.

However, on his own, my son wrote a letter to his mom and I apologizing for writing that he “abhorred” hard work, reading and vegetables. He promised not to abhor them anymore.

Now why was I proud of my son?

In all sports and in life, there is a moment where you just have to push through. You put everything on the line and just push through. Push through pain, push through disappointments, push through obstacles, naysayers, the past, family and friends, etc. To get to your goal, you simply have to push through.

During the match, the opponents consistently sent swarms of defenders to stop him. At some point, as often happens to the best of us, I could see him becoming frustrated and dejected. It was too hard to keep going on. Why not take the easy path and give in or give up? After all, I have done my best, right? But how do you know when you have actually done your best? How do you measure it?

During one sequence during the match, my son had run into a swarm of defenders. He had scored two goals up to this point. As I saw that he was about to let the defenders get the better of him. I called out “Push through”, “push through”. All you have to do is push through. He gutted it out and pushes through the defenders to score a sweet goal. I screamed for him to run to me, and I hugged him and told him how proud of him I was. I applauded his effort. He went on to score twelve more goals in the last two games.

Now why am I disappointed in myself?

I am disappointed because I missed a teachable moment. Children are not little adults. They are children. When my son wrote what he abhorred, I shouldn’t have been quick to judge, based my own beliefs of hard work, reading and vegetables.

When we attempt to reach kids, let us try to put on our kid lens and see the world through their eyes. Let us define core values in a way that a child understands. That way they see how important it is to have a philosophy of living. What does hard work mean to a child? Does it mean hard labor?

A Google search of “hard work” turns up the following

Definition of Hard Work: Difficult labor

Synonyms: Backbreaking work, donkeywork, hard way, labor, long haul, tough grind, uphill battle

Fun, isn’t it? Who is up for some hard work? Is this what you want for your children? Don’t you mean for them to push through, persevere, be persistent, and be committed?

Much Ado About Nothing

Children hate reading, if we make it a task and not something to enjoy.  We say they must read and then write a book report. I understand the purpose of the book report, but should there be some other way to assess understanding. Our children live in an interactive world of computers, games internet and the like. I grew up in a world where everything was sequential. You read chapter one before you go to chapter two. How boring is that, when games are more interactive. How many of your kids will read the odyssey, the Iliad or Shakespeare. They will rather watch the movie or play the game. It is not the reading that kids hate, but the delivery of what they are supposed to read.

As for vegetables? That is for another story.

When I get home today, I am going to apologize to my son, for missing a moment. I will try to be better at understanding the world as they see it. Take of your lens and see world through the eyes of your child.

Bill Cosby knows children

http://youtu.be/yL9mX4Hbc2Q