The Disease
For the first time in my adult life, I witnessed, I mean recognized when, a child was being bullied. This recognition enlightened me to another truth; there are bullies everywhere, including the work place. The term harassment is thrown around willy-nilly (did you know this word is in the dictionary?), but let us call a spade a spade. Bullying comes in different forms, and as adults, we often fail to recognize when we are the bully or when we are being bullied.
This was an “aha” moment seeing, I mean recognizing, this for the first time. However, what was most interesting was recognizing the underlying exchange, the cause and effect. I did not intervene because the youth being bullied proved quite capable of handling himself. When you recognize an adult or child being bullied it is easy to spot the causes, symptoms and the cure.
The Cause
There are many forms of bullying, with one form of result, injury to a person either physically, psychologically, mentally, socially and emotionally. What I did notice was that the bully had no clue he was bullying. He was simply reacting. What was he reacting to? This is a very interesting question. This also prompts another question. Who do bullies become when (if) they grow up? As I said previously, there are bullies everywhere including the work place, but I do not believe all adult bullies where kid bullies.
What causes a person to react negatively to another, and wish to harm another person physically or emotionally? The answer is simple, the absence, lack or reduction of self-esteem. Bullying in its simplest form is a reaction to a poor evaluation of a person’s worth. TV shows depict bullies as bigger than the person they are bullying, ala, picking on the little guy. However, this is a narrow representation. It is not the physical size of the bully or the number of bullies but the presence or lack thereof of self-esteem of those that bully.
At work, those in authority often bully people they have authority over. But if you observe closely, those in power that bully have a misguided concept of power. This is the same with kids. There is always a misguided perception of power andor who is in possession of this power. Bigger kids could bully those that are smaller than they are but this is not why they are bullying the little ones. The “smart” kid could bully those that they perceive not on the same level but this is a misguided perception. Husbands bully wives, wives bully husbands, and this also is based on erroneous perceptions of power.
Erroneous perception of power ties into a person’s self- esteem or lack thereof. When this is viewed at the simplest level, the child level, it is very easy to understand. Kids that are bullied differ but the one thing that causes them to be bullied is their differences from those that are bullying them. Color, race, beliefs, mental skills, background, accent, having or not having, are some of the external characteristics that draw bullies.
The Symptoms of Bullying
How do you now when you are being bullied? It is important to recognize when you are being bullied as adults and to teach our children to recognize when they are being bullied.
Since bullying comes in different forms, we only know we are being bullied when we feel a hurt, a slight, discomfort or fear. If this pattern is repeated by the same person or persons, this is bullying.
A bully or bullies attack and latch on to one characteristic they find incongruent with their perceptions. Most of these characteristics are external. With adult bullies, the external characteristic is their false perception of authority over another.
Recently, on a National Geographic show, a baboon decides to leave his family and strike out on his own. Along the way, he runs into a pride of lions. The baboon walks by them. One of the lions decides to pick on the baboon. I am thinking two things. One, baboon runs and climbs into the nearby trees or two the baboon gets eaten by the lion. None of these happen as the baboon, lashes out at the lion and chases the lion around, who runs back to the pride.
Within kids and adults, there is often the perception of power or weakness. We falsely perceive that the bigger, stronger, more powerful is the bully. While we are often inclined to root for the underdog, we wrongly perceive that those that look weaker are the underdog. In looking, we do not see, just as the lion perceived the baboon to be weaker and himself stronger. But what happens when the baboon begins to perceive himself the stronger one?
Watch the video below.
http://youtu.be/4ebd36p4zkw
So how do we cure bullying?
Wow Chima that was well written because some people can not recognize bullying when it happens. As I have explained to my son bullying comes in many forms and for every action there is an reaction. So, whenever he comes home and say that some one is teasing him and that he is sooo mad at them that he want to hit them. I explain to him that what this person wants is a reaction from you so that they can do something back to you. Ever since he was little I have taught him respect for himself and to respect others. And for those people that choose to be disrespectful don’t join there circle just ignore them because not being apart of that drama is more upsetting to them. I told him that mommy & daddy will always have your back whether you are wrong or right but if he is wrong he will take responsibility for his negative actions. Never would I say my son is innocent but I try my best to lead him in the right direction. My words to him is to never let anyone take away his self-esteem and make him feel bad about himself . He is one of the many beautiful things that GOD has created and No one can take that away from him. So, whenever he feels like someone is bullying him he does as I have taught him and that is to seek the assistance of an adult so that they can try to diffuse the problem. Never do I want him to take it upon himmself to solve something that is constantly escalating because he could end up seeing negative consequences.